This Time I Choose Me

Set backs are inevitable, for me they happen more then most. Its so discouraging to get in a  rhythm one you can be proud of at that. All to have it torn down once the monster returns.  The illness I suffer with is currently unknown, but the attacks don’t go unnoticed.  My face swells to twice its size, and my mouth becomes displaced. I have no control over my facial movements. The ones made for me are exasperated, and one side my mouth litterally moves up the side of my face. Ontop of this it hurts, it hurts so much I can’t breathe, I can’t think. All I can do is wait, wait for it to stop, and pray that it doesn’t return.  However it will it always does.

Nine was my lucky number. Nine days of bliss with no pain, and nine days of exercise. I was on top of the world, I was on my way to being healthy nothing could stop me now. Only it could, it came in like a wrecking ball, and tore all the progress down. So after three days of jello, and going from my bed to my shower floor. Here I sit back at the bottom of the moutain. Bruised, and discouraged thinking deeply I should just let it win. Give up, and let what will be, be.

Picture from google.com

Then I remember all I need is a small step. A small step to get me going. So tomorrow I take that small step, and start all over again. Will I be knocked down to the bottom again? Probably. This time I’m chosing to worry about that later. This time I choose me.

2 thoughts on “This Time I Choose Me”

  1. It’s so hard to get up again when you’re knocked back down constantly – I know that from my experience of depression.

    We are – or life is – tenacious, however, and our capacity to recover remarkable (even amongst those of us who worry that we’re somehow more ‘weak’ than most people).

    I know you’ll take that first step soon!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is prettty remarkable isn’t it?
      They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Although it doesn’t feel that way most times I believe it to be true.

      Thank you for the kind words!!


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