Have You Heard Of The Suicide Disease?

Today I want to write about somthing  a little different. I’ve spent so much time ignoring it refusing to believe this is part of me now. I’ve spent hours convincing myself that my disease doesn’t define me, however it sort of does. I can run away as fast as I can, or shout to the skies it’s not fair. It’s still there, and it isn’t going anywhere.

I was diagnosed with Trigeminal Neurulgia better known as the suicide disease back in May. Apparently its only been the last couple hundred years that they have had treatment for this condition. Before that people couldn’t handle the pain so they just jumped off the bridge. How pleasant right?

For those of you like me who have never heard of Trigeminal Neurulgia. It is a rare brain condition that causes excruciating, debilitating facial pain. Triggered by everyday things such as eating, talking, brushing my hair, the wind, rubbing my eye, doing my makeup. The list goes on, and on, but you get the point. Doing these things can cause what I’ve come to call attacks, or attacks can happen out of the blue for no reason at all. These attacks cause a variety of extremely painful sensations at different times, or sometimes all at once. There really is no rhyme, or reason it just does what it wants.

Which leaves me at it’s mercy even when it is controlled. Waiting, wondering, hoping that today is not the day it comes back. While happy, and pain free for now the medication only works for so long. It will eventually, unavoidably be back.

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